Reading in Osmosis — Ch 1

Hey friends, I finished ready the first chapter/lecture today. Still noodling on it. But, I wanted to post now before the chaos of my week begins. I’m not entirely sure how Blake imagines these conversations and comments, so here goes.

“But, on the other hand, I do not believe that unsettlement is finality… nor… that the truth is inaccessible.” I love this sentiment but could tell that it didn’t resonate internally with me. One of the gnawing things I have been navigating most of my adult life is, for lack of a better term, my internal inability to “land the plane” on certain topics, questions, etc. I have met people who have decided — for good or for ill — true or not — they will live by fill in whatever subgroup’s set of norms for the sake of ease (or maybe it’s the exhaustion of raising kids and the mental toil of trying to survive day to day. At times, I’m envious at just be able to make a decision. But I also know that I’m unable (not morally superior — truly unable) to make this choice. I’m just not wired for it, and the gnawing in the back of my mind never goes away (I.e. what if I’m wrong? What if my perspective is skewed? What have I not taken into account?”).

“And the lesson will be this: In loyalty, when loyalty is properly defined, is the fulfillment of the whole moral law.” This is interesting in light of what I’ve heard others express (I.e. that it’s actually courage that is the first virtue before all others). I’m not sure that I fully buy it, but I think I am beginning to see where he is taking this.

One thing that truly did resonate with me was this: “To learn your own will,—yes, to create your own will, is one of the largest of your human undertakings.” This deeply resonated, in part because my parents so deeply imbedded this belief in me growing up. But, also because of how adrift I have found many people to be who were raised in high control, often abusive environments, seem to be underneath the facade of perfection and performance. Many of the people I have met from these kinds of homes seem acutely aware of what they DON’T want, but rarely aware of what they do want. This seems to me, in some respects, one of the greatest and most egregious kinds of theft from another individual. It not only estranges a young person from themselves, but also creates a dependency of needing someone to give instructions, to dictate, and guide well into adulthood where an otherwise healthy adult would’ve taken the reigns by a certain point. It seems like such a hard way to navigate things. (But, in fairness, the other side of the coin is that my parents could’ve errored on the side of being somewhat neglectful of “shaping me,” leaving me to my own devices to shape myself — which might be an entirely fair point.”)

And finally, this tension of how much conformity is demanded of us by society while still being expected to tune into an authentic and convicted version of self — and how one cannot fully flourish without the other is intriguing to me. I’ll be frank, I have always errored on side of choosing myself over whoever is trying to make demands of me.

But, it makes me wonder how I might’ve been unfair or ungenerous with others with my unwillingness to conform? How has it damaged my relationships when I haven’t been more mindful?

That’s about it from me. Hope y’all are well.